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Confessions at a Christmas do: 'That time I took down an entire neighbourhood'

Sun, 01/03/2021 - 09:30
For whom the return key tolls

12BoC  Ah, Christmas dos. Remember them? A chance to humiliate oneself in front of colleagues and make the odd drunken confession or two*. Welcome to the tenth whoopsie of our Twelve Borks of Christmas (12BoC) series*…

Pick an end, any end: Lost that critical Christmas cable? We know how you feel

Sat, 01/02/2021 - 09:30
'You are fettered,' said Scrooge, trembling. 'Tell me why?'

12BoC  It's that Christmas feeling: scrabbling around for the correct cable to attach a poppet's new toy to the family TV. Getting into the swing of things, today's bork, the ninth in our Twelve Borks of Christmas (12BoC) series*, sees something similar on a screen outside Waitrose.…

Realme 7 5G: Parents, this is the phone you <i>should</i> have got your kids for Christmas

Fri, 01/01/2021 - 13:15
It has everything most normal people would want and costs £279

It's never been harder to buy a new phone. Five years ago flagships did everything, mid-rangers had obvious compromises, and sub-£200 handsets were trash.…

What can the 1944 OSS manual teach us before we all return to sabotage the office?

Fri, 01/01/2021 - 11:30
Tell you what, let’s have a meeting about it

Something for the Weekend, Sir?  Don’t wish me a Happy New Year: it doesn’t work. In fact, I think your annual good wishes may be hexing them.…

Sun, sea and sad signage: And lo, they saw a shining light in the sky... oh, it's a BIOS error

Fri, 01/01/2021 - 09:30
Santas sled of bork comes to Lanzarote

12BoC  Viva Las Borkas! A trip to warmer parts today and a sign that seems to be showing us that most of unusual of things: a bork within a bork, on this, the eighth instalment of our Twelve Borks of Christmas (12BoC) series*.…

I built a shed once. How hard can a data centre be?

Fri, 01/01/2021 - 08:15
Brute force and ignorance a happy VAX does not make

On Call  The world of IT and hard physical labour are unlikely bedfellows, but a troublesome VAX installation brought the two together in today's On Call.…

As Uncle Sam continues to clamp down on Big Tech, Apple pelted with more and more complaints from third-party App Store devs

Thu, 12/31/2020 - 16:00
El Reg lends our ear to companies and developers struggling to survive in Apple's cruel, cruel App Store world

Special Report  Google, Apple, Amazon, and Facebook, currently dealing with antitrust investigations from governments and fending off lawsuits from their disgruntled customers, appear to be finally facing their moment of truth: Has Big Tech gotten too big?…

Lenovo ThinkPad Carbon X1 Gen 8: No boundaries were pushed in the making of this laptop – and that's OK

Thu, 12/31/2020 - 13:15
If it ain't broke, don't fix it

Review  Last month, Lenovo sent El Reg a loaner of its latest ThinkPad Carbon X1 ultrabook. This series is now in its eighth generation, showing that "innovation" doesn't always mean better. There's value in tried-and-tested designs, and this machine faithfully treads the steps of its forebears.…

All I want for Christmas is cash: Welsh ATMs are unbeatable. Or unbootable. Something like that

Thu, 12/31/2020 - 09:30
Carpark sorrow as Windows failed to cough booty

12BOC  On the seventh day of Christmas, the bork gods sent to me: a boot-hurt ATM, fix the printer, nerds, Scottish parking whi-i-i-i-nge, one dead DB, petty angry user, flightless Windows signage, and a server they said had ceased to be.…

Brexit trade deal advises governments to use Netscape Communicator and SHA-1. Why? It's all in the DNA

Thu, 12/31/2020 - 06:04
A simple cut-and-paste text job from a 2008 EU treaty for genetic databases

People are pointing to the inclusion of Netscape Navigator and SHA-1 in the newly-minted British Brexit trade deal – yet no one seems to have realised part of the text in question is a treaty underpinning an EU-wide DNA database.…

Watt's next for batteries? It'll be more of the same, not longer life, because physics and chemistry are hard

Wed, 12/30/2020 - 16:00
Lithium-ion had a lucky break early on. Successors will need billions of dollars to catch up – if they don't flame out first

Feature  "There are liars, damned liars, and battery guys" – or some variation thereof – is an aphorism commonly attributed to US electro-whizz Thomas Edison.…

Surface Laptop Go: Premium feel for a mid-range price, but Microsoft's Apple-like range once meant more than this

Wed, 12/30/2020 - 13:15
Svelte, yet ordinary

Microsoft's Surface Laptop Go is notable for its light weight, decent performance, and somewhat affordable price – but it is a long way from what the company had in mind when the Surface range was launched eight years ago.…

The curse of knowing a bit about IT: 'Could you just...?' and 'No I haven't changed <i>anything</i>'

Wed, 12/30/2020 - 09:30
Two firewalls are better than one, right?

12BoC  On the sixth day of Christmas, the bork gods sent to me: Fix the printer, nerds, Scottish parking whi-i-i-i-nge, one dead DB, petty angry user, flightless Windows signage, and a server they said had ceased to be.…

And now for something completely different: A lightweight, fast browser that won't slurp your data

Tue, 12/29/2020 - 13:15
El Reg goes with the Flow

Chromium may be all the rage nowadays, but other options that aren't Mozilla continue to be developed.…

No amount of Glasgow handshaking will revive this borked kiosk

Tue, 12/29/2020 - 09:30
To pay for parking you must first sign in to Windows 10

12BoC  On the fifth day of Christmas, the bork gods sent to me: Scottish parking whinge, one dead DB, petty angry user, flightless Windows signage, and a server they said had ceased to be.…

The ghosts of Microsoft SQL Server past, present, and yet to come: <i>The Reg</i> chats to Azure Data man Rohan Kumar

Mon, 12/28/2020 - 13:15
WinFS, stability, and waking engineers

Interview  Everyone has their favourite when diving into the tub of SQL Server - for some its a chewy hard toffee that delights, for others its a thin choc shell crammed with overperfumed fondant. Microsoft's Rohan Kumar says his preferred version is SQL Server 2008.…

Yes, Microsoft Access was a recalcitrant beast, but the first step is to turn the computer on

Mon, 12/28/2020 - 09:30
I've got the power! Psyche. I definitely don't

12BoC  On the fourth day of Christmas, the bork gods sent to me: one dead DB, petty angry user, flightless Windows signage, and a server they said had ceased to be. Welcome to the Twelve Borks of Christmas (12BoC): a collection of Register reader stories of amusing and frustrating tech sightings over the festive period.…

Everybody's time is precious, pal: Sometimes it isn't only the terminals that are dumb

Sun, 12/27/2020 - 09:30
Modem life is rubbish

12BoC  On the third day of Christmas, the bork gods sent to me: petty angry user, flightless Windows signage, and a server they said had ceased to be. Welcome to the Twelve Borks of Christmas (12BoC): a collection of Register reader stories of amusing and frustrating tech sightings over the festive period.…

Why make games for Linux if they don't sell? Because the nerds are just grateful to get something that works

Sat, 12/26/2020 - 13:15
And when nerds are your audience, everything is easier

Feature  Video games are the new Hollywood, complete with celebrities and hyped blockbusters like Cyberpunk 2077. In 2019, they made half as much again as the movie sector's paltry $101bn. You know who won't see much of that dough? Desktop Linux games developers.…

Roma, we've had un problema: When every flight's final destination is a date with Windows Boot Manager

Sat, 12/26/2020 - 09:30
'People got angry. Employees disappeared. Children started to cry'

12BoC  On the second day of Christmas, the bork gods sent to me: flightless Windows signage, and a server they said had ceased to be. Welcome to the Twelve Borks of Christmas (12BoC): a collection of Register reader stories of amusing and frustrating tech sightings over the festive period.…

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